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I have had some fancy pants meals in my day but the Disney Cruise is the only time I paid THIRTY FUCKING DOLLARS FOR A GODDAMN GLASS OF MOTHERFUCKING WINE!!!!!! 2011-04-15T13:44:30-04:00 Gavin
Before I had kids I thought school was overrated and I'd probably home school the kids because I'll love them so much. Ha! A toddler's need for stimulation is like a relentless vacuum and you'd need to be a meth head to keep up with it. They can take the hour or two we have to (sort of) give and hear "Daddy's busy" for the rest of the day or they can go to a place we pay good money (tax or private) to get the relentless stimulation they crave.
The Chinks go a bit nuts here in New York with the 8AM to 8PM shit but sending away a 4+ for 7 hours a day? Goddamnit. Good riddance.
2010-08-30T17:45:12-04:00 Gavin
Man this is a tough one. I was about to bring up the possibility of a gray area where, instead of jumping in his tent and beating his ass, you yell something like, "Hey hey hey! Calm down over there. We're trying to sleep!" But what if he gets all crazy drunk and comes into your tent to confront you? What if, you can't seem to get him out of the tent and the fight ensues in there. During the wrestling his big boots are standing on your kid's legs and shit. Oy vey.

I guess what you should have done is done the hey hey thing from way outside your tent? But what if he knows which tent's yours? Hmmm. Maybe a hidden "Hey hey Cool it" from an undisclosed location. If he comes out being normal you go, "Come on guy. It's 2AM" but if he comes out like a deranged psycho you either hit him with a log or have him chase you out of the ground and into the woods. He's wasted and exhausted and you are on your game. Guerilla warfare. You wouldn't even have to fight him. Just lead him far away and let him get lost.

Anyway, thanks for making us all have to consider shit like this Don you piece of shit. Thanks for making every dad here question his manhood WHILE worrying about what he holds most dear - his children's safety.

Let's get in a Chevy Nova and drive over to his next poker night with baseball bats. It's not something his girls should see but it has to be done.
2010-08-04T21:57:02-04:00 Gavin
I know the shit they do is supposed to be laughably whack but I love all those things. I bawled my eyes out to Up! and would kill for that zTrak 700 Series mower (no way a dad uses that on his lawn - it's a commercial mower).

Hate "I'm corny" rap parodies but this was pretty good. If only normal dads were this funny and cool to hang out with. Every time I'm at a dad event I feel like GG Allin.
2010-07-12T23:37:32-04:00 Gavin
actually it is possible...

2009-10-14T15:57:34-04:00 Gavin
My father-in-law is a genetic scientist who doesn't totally agree with my "nature over nurture - you are who you are from day one - just look at identical twins separated at birth: Same dog, same job, same car, same income" philosophy and once said, "If they're going to be who they're going to be, why bother sending them to a good school?"

My answer to this is simple: Yes - if she's smart, she's going to be successful no matter what shitty school she goes to. I do not think schools make you smart... However, if you are born smart, you're going to have a much shittier time at a bad school than you are at a good school. I want her academic life to be as fulfilling as possible because it's fucking 14,000 hours long! Wasting a good brain on one of these unfireable public school teachers that puts on movies all day is bordering on child abuse.
2009-10-02T19:44:43-04:00 Gavin